Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Grace Period Over

I used to work at a big Wall Street law firm as a Case Manager and managed a large staff for large litigations. It was long hours and a lot of work, and after six years, I was sick of it. I found myself a new job in the tech industry but still working with a lot of law firms. However, at least my hours are sane now and I can rebuild my life.

Like with all new jobs, I had a grace period, and with my broken arm, I got even more sympathy. But now my grace period is over, and I'm starting to be given, horrors of all horrors, real responsibilities. Since I know I don't have a real passion for this industry, I really miss my period when I was just the "newbie" who didn't know anything. I mean I work hard and all and do the best job I can. It was just nice to not have any real stress and just do what people ask and work for only about 5 hours a day while the rest of the time I'm surfing the Internet or chatting online on AIM.

Those days are gone now, and I'm feeling it. Today, I'm having the crappiest day at work. I screwed up one of our projects and the client was so mad that he emailed the whole world at our company including the CEO! Who does that? Well, actually, I knew some associates at my old job who would do that too but I was "established" at my old job and had allies elsewhere in the firm when push came to shove.

At the same time, the fact that I miss my days of being a cog worries me somewhat. When did I ever lack so much ambition? I keep telling myself that it's because I have no passion whatsoever for this industry and to a large extent, that's true. But a small part of me constantly worries that I'll become complacent in my current job and standard of living. I really need to get my act together and get that MBA that I've been "pursuing" for the last couple of years.

Oh god, I hope I'm not turning "aspirational."

1 comment:

Robin said...

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Living in this pressure cooker of a city doesn't help, either.