American Idol/Top 8: Latin Flava

This week's Latin theme is ambassadored by Jennifer Lopez. Even though Latin music is so 8 years ago, I was still curious to see how the contestants would do because I thought it would be a stretch for all of them. Thank god that J. Lo. was there to teach everyone all she knew about a subject on which her last name and her marriage to a really weird-looking guy make her an authority.

First up was Melinda who sang "Sway", which has also been sung by that horny, drunk creep Michael Buble who slurred his way through some stupid song last week. Every week, my idololization of Melinda goes down the tubes even more. I think my latest thing is her increasingly irritating mannerisms. At least Mindy-doo knew what the problem was. She told the camera, "I'm so not sexy." I hate to say it, but yeah, Mindy, you're right. To her, being sexy means hunching up her shoulders up to her ears and squinting her eyes like she's trying to read a book with small type.

Lakisha came next, singing a song ("Conga") that I forever associate as Hank Azaria's favorite song to high kick to with a broom as the houseboy in The Birdcage. OMG. How funny was Agador and his accent and his super-short shorts? Anyhow, I digress. Lakisha was ok. I liked the first five seconds of her performance, and that was about it. The rest of it was bland and kind of reminded us all that that song is way past its sell-by date.

Chris Richardson and J. Lo. provided the funniest moment throughout the entire night. I was dying when J. Lo. goes "It's 'muñeqita' with a 'y.' Cause you don't want all the Latinos out there going 'It's MOON-YA-KEE-TA!'" Chris sang "Smooth" which I think Santana will keep on playing until the end of time. When it came time to sing it, Chris still messed up "muñeqita" and flubbed the lyrics for the third week in a row, but despite a slightly too-low start, he ended the song pretty respectably.

Haley and Phil by now are best known for their appearance in two polar opposite ways. Haley's shorts keep getting shorter and shorter and her performance of the very unlatin-sounding "Turn The Beat Around" got more and more manic as the song progressed. J. Lo. warned us that "Turn The Beat Around" is a hard song to sing, but then again I think "Happy Birthday" might be a hard song for J. Lo. to sing.

Phil, on the other hand, will never escape his alien looks. But Phil, I'm sorry, those stupid hippie hats don't help. Leave the hats to Blake who can pull them off as well as pull off a semi-Latin vibe by singing another stupid song, "I Need To Know" by J. Lo's weird looking husband (seriously, why do the Idol contestants pick the most coma-inducing, overplayed and insipid songs ever?) Blake sounded okay, not great though; almost completely in-tune.

Jordin was ok too. She chose another Gloria Estefan standard ("Rhythm is Going To Get You") and, to me, made the song sound older than the song actually is. I wasn't that impressed. But I did like her side ponytail and that kind of funky top she was wearing.

Finally, Sanjaya pops up looking like a Jheri-curled Mexican pimp. I have to digress again and state unequivocally that Jheri curl has got to be the nastiest hair product ever created. Why the hell did any guy put that crap in his hair? Anyway, Sanjaya has really learned to play to the camera providing us with some lascivious looks into the camera. I hate to say it, he didn't sound terrible. It wasn't a "wow" performance, but it wasn't bad.

My votes:

Best Performance: Chris Richardson. I think mainly because he sang a song that I at least halfway like.

Worst Performance: Phil Stacey. His voice was cracking as if Kermit the Frog were dying a slow death.

Most Improved: Jordin Sparks. If only because this time I actually remember what she sang because I sure don't remember what she sang during Tony Bennett week.