All Historied Out

Tonight in my bouts of insomnia, I got hooked on The History Channel. Actually, I've been watching a lot of what used to be known as "The Hitler Channel" because it seemed like all they showed was stuff about Hitler or the Titanic. People were like, "Isn't there ANYTHING else in the history of the world that might be interesting enough to put on this channel?" But now, their latest theme seems to be DISASTER and civilizations ruined by natural disaster, but had it coming to them because of too much pride, greed and general evil mankindness, like they're trying to instill a mass panic in all of us. To play off on that, they were also running some specials on the Kennedys, so that you could learn about a family disaster. You learn that Lee Harvey Oswald was actually an excellent marksman and that three shots was definitely doable in 8.3 seconds and that Oliver Stone's magical traveling bullet didn't really twist the way that he said. What kind of world do we live in if we can't believe in the movies?

The History Channel has also taught me in the last few weeks that the hard hat was invented at the Hoover Dam by dipping two baseball caps in tar and letting them harden. I've also learned that during the 17th century the best time to kill buffalo to yield the most profit, was during the winter when the hide was thicker. And tonight, I learned about the four types of volcanoes (Continental Margin, Hot Spot, Ocean Ridge and Island Arc, in case you wanna know) and that the biblical mass Exodus and the parting of the Red Sea actually were probably based on real events that happened after the Thera volcano at Santorini erupted. Thera could also explain the myth of Atlantis, making it the catch-all explanation of volcanoes. I wonder if Thera could explain JFK.

But I think the most disturbing thing that I've learned from the History Channel is that while the Discovery Channel ends its programing at 2am, The History Channel ends at 3am only to return at 5am.