Panic! At The Movie Theatre

A couple weeks ago, I went to see Fantastic Four. I went with the same person who I went with last year. I suppose seeing both the premiere and the sequel with the same friend makes this our "thing" now. And after the movie, we went to dinner and toasted "Here's to a great third movie." We both can be quite lame.

Earlier, my friend had caused pandemonium. And I hate to say it, but it was kind of my fault. I had arrived at the theatre early that day and soon got my ticket and then went inside to save seats. I had a fair amount of time to wait because the train gods had smiled upon me on my way down to the theatre. I started to get kind of sleepy, and I knew I wanted coffee. My friend still hadn't shown up, and so i figured she could pick up a cup for me. In my own estimation, this is one of the most valuable parts of having friends - being able to ask them to get stuff for you. With people you've just met, you can't really get away with this, because obviously that's just awkward. Luckily, with "friendship" (or the same could be said for "love" or a "relationship") comes "convenience", except when that "friendship" turns into "bitter hatred and resentment", in which case the fighting and petty arguing can be decidely "inconvenient."

(Boy did I just go off on a tangent.)

Anyway, I texted my friend and asked her if she could get me a coffee. She texted back, "Sure." But then I texted her right back and asked her if she could stop at Starbucks instead because I realized that I had never heard of a movie theatre that sold coffee. Then, I asked if she could just get me one of those bottled frappuccino drinks because that would be quicker. After that, I still wasn't done, because then I texted her again to tell her not to worry about it. I'm an idiot sometimes.

The previews started and right at that moment, my friend ran in with my coffee! She kind of had an exasperated look on her face, and I found out later why.

Apparently, my coffee request was causing utter and absolute confusion at the concession stand. It turned out the theatre did sell coffee. So my friend went up to the cashier, and confidently asked, "Can I get a coffee please?" in a tone that suggested "You're welcome for giving you such an easy order. We can all use a break sometimes."

Well, what transpired next was mass hysteria. First, the teenage girl just stared past my friend, as though contemplating the enormity of the outside world, or trying to remember the next line in that Ciara song. She then looked at my friend and asked for the order again. My friend repeated herself, and then the girl said, "Coffee?!? Do we even serve that?" My friend pointed up and said "It's right there on the menu."

The girl turned around, and my friend saw the coffee machine which looked like it had never been turned on. The girl shouted out to another employee (I guess, the manager) "Somebody wants COFFEE!" as if my friend had just asked for frog's legs. The other employee screams out "Coffee?!? Who wants coffee?!?! I don't know how to make that! I wasn't trained for that!" The girl at the cashier turned to my friend, and said "I'm so sorry, sweetie. We'll get it for you right away." She then rushed off so she and her powerpuff coworker could figure out the coffee maker. My friend said you could see sweat pouring down their foreheads, like they were trying to figure out how to diffuse a bomb. Forget the movie; the drama that night was at the concession stand.

I was laughing so hard when I heard this story. When we passed by the concession stand, I felt like going over and thanking them for my hard-fought coffee. I had to admire my friend's resolve. If I had been there, I think I would have gone back there to show them how to work the machine, and perhaps would still be there, sitting in a circle on the floor with the employees reading a children's book to them.

Or I quite possibly could have woken up in a mental institution, muttering "All I wanted was coffee."