Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Why Are Guys Such A Pain In The Ass?

I don't write about my romantic adventures too much for a variety of reasons. First, my romantic life is virtually non-existent. I, long ago, got really fed up with the game-playing, the second guessing of everything about me and that I could possibly offer, and the plethora of losers out there. This experience didn't help either.

The second reason is that I just got got really tired of talking about it and thinking about it and obsessing about it. I even got tired of talking with my single friends about how they're single and looking for that special guy or girl. I just made a conscious decision to stop thinking about it and do the things I enjoy and enjoy them as much as I can--cook, work out, travel, play tennis, etc.

As all my readers know, I had been talking for a while with this British guy. We got on well, engaged in lots of innocent flirting and always had a lot to talk about. Things seemed to be going well. We liked each other a lot. He was creeping into my head more and more each day. So everything seemed rosy, and I have to admit that I was starting to get those funny feelings whenever I thought about him. But there were some warning signs, which I chose to ignore, perhaps because I liked him too much, or maybe because I under-estimated how much I liked this guy. I kept telling myself that this really wasn't a good idea because he lives in another city, had some "being out" issues, and seemed married to his job, which served as excuses for him being less considerate than what I would say is standard.

For example, one time we were talking on the phone, and his phone just cut off all of a sudden. I was like, "WTF?" I tried calling him back, but his phone went straight to voicemail. I gave up after a couple more tries, and just went to bed. I kind of expected an explanation the next day. Well, actually I was expecting an email or an IM that night, but I didn't hear from him until four fucking days later, and he didn't even mention it. Now, if I were talking with someone, and my phone cut off, I would be mortified, and would explain right way somehow and some way.--like send a short email saying my phone died or something like that. My British friend didn't provide any of that, and didn't even acknowledge it, and finally I asked, and he said something about his phone battery running out. Huh? Why can't you just plug in your phone?

This week, though, he got his final strike. My British friend was in New York yesterday. We had talked on Friday about his upcoming visit and talked about making some plans--dinner or something. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the weekend. Then on Tuesday, I IM'ed him, and no answer. I called him, and left a voicemail. No return call. I sent an email, saying "Hey, did you make it to New York?" No reply.

Now I know he was in New York, and I know that he was around when I IM'ed him because of his changing "status" on my IM client. I'm no James Bond, but I can figure that out.

I fucking HATE when a guy tries to put on a disappearing act and completely leave you high and dry and ignores you, without giving any sort indication of where he stands. It ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. If you're old enough to date, you're old enough to tell a guy "No thanks." Don't put the burden on me to figure out how you feel.

I'm really disappointed. I mean I wasn't like head-over-heels in love with him, even at the time when I wrote my funny post about my seducing tactics. I was trying to be pragmatic, realist, level-headed and all those sorts of things. But this whole experience just makes me bitter about guys in general...again.

17 comments:

Ming_the_Merciless said...

Sorry to hear that, Terence. Guys CAN be shithead sometimes.

I dated a guy like that once; he doesn't follow up on our plans and I was left waiting for him a couple of times. After that, I dumped his sorry ass.

GrooveTheory said...

now you know how i feel.

Silly Billy said...

That sucks. Totally don't even waste your timing thinking about it.

Christopher said...

Two words: "His Loss"...

...hang in there buddy, and when Mr Right comes along, can you ask him if he has a gay brother?

Greg said...

A friend of mine just got dumped by someone via IM. And they had just spent the day together. Guys can be total f-wads....

Rodrigo said...

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chuck said...

i had a similar experience once awhile ago. i ended up finding out about a year later that he was chatting me up AND another guy up...and the other guy was "the lucky winner". what was funny that a year later when i found out the story, he ALSO said he was sorry he chose the other guy because things didn't work out and he felt too embarrassed to get in touch with me.

i have lately found that even the most seemingly dependable and straight talking (excuse the term) guys can play the exact same games as the losers which i don't get. like you said, if you're old enough to date, you're old enough to say "no thanks", or even "i've lost interest". or more accurately, "i'm on every chat site known to man on the internet and you just happen to be one of the many in the string of guys i'm feeding lines to and i'm waiting for the best offer to come along." hehehe.

men. ya can't live with 'em, and ya can't shoot 'em.

Yen said...

I'm sorry that it's not going to work out with this guy. But you know, some guys are just retards like that, and the best lesson you can learn is a quick exit strategy. Not all boys ar elike that. You just have to learn how to tell them apart from the good ones. Early.

tim said...

I have to applaud you because you really do plan your life well. You do things, like travel, unencumbered. I admire that a lot. Not many can and you should take pride in that. As for men, it sounds cliche but "when it's right and ready, it will happen".

teahouse said...

Ugh, as the British say, what an ARSE.

No need to feel bitter, though. He did you a favor. The fuckwit.

David said...

I'd try to console you, but I'd be lying. People, not just guys, can be real cretins far more often than we'd like it to be so.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

T I think we've all been there at some point so you're not alone. Chin up, this guy ain't worth it.
But I know what you mean, what a prat... why can't he as an adult just be a man about it.. if he isn't interested just say so.

Plus I'm not so sure I believe long distances ever have a 'happy every after' ending anyway... maybe it was a good thing to see this, before you got to deep in it.

kevin said...

Tcho
This guy sounds like a total loser. From what i know about you, you deserve more and there are plenty of nice decent guys out there. There will be someone out there for you mate and he will turn up when you are least expecting it.

There is no excuse for not giving you a courtesy call regarding his plans. He is either rude or stupid. Whichever he is, he is not the sort of guy for you.

Hugs
Kev in NZ

Robert said...

"...do the things I enjoy and enjoy them as much as I can..." I like what you said there. :-)

I know, sometimes people do that do you. They make their way into your heart and then act like it's no big deal. People do play games, can't help that. But in this case, you gave it a chance, kudos to you my friend. It is what it is. You seem to have a great outlook in life, don't let this get you down.

Take care!!! xoxo

Anonymous said...

Well from my point of view you should analize you first. You should feel as a creature unlike other and if I guy rejects you just move next enjoy life instead to create this negative feelings that instead to help you will make you feel worse about everyone. Do no think to much in the guy from british. He is so far from you and its hard to create a relationship in this way. For another side he also has his own rigth to choose everyone, a relationship cannot be forced.

TCho said...

anonymous--who are you? funny, the british guy actually contacted me a couple days ago and we talked for a bit.

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