Two Homes

I wish I had two homes. Well, actually, I wish I had even one home so I could stop paying the insane rent that I do here in Manhattan. If I could ever afford a second home, I think I'd probably want it out in Napa Valley or Carmel or Half Moon Bay. It would be so great. I could just sit by the ocean, eat good food, drink great wine. Of course, I'd have to have a private jet to take me out there whenever I wanted to get away.

The Hamptons is nice too. I haven't been in a while, and the couple times I went, I went with really hard-core Hamptonites. We're talking drugs & booze from 7 in the morning to well after midnight. I witnessed all the typical Hampton scenes you hear about--traffic, A-list parties, obnoxious New Yorkers. But, really, when you get away from all that, the Hamptons is really beautiful and anyone can see why it's become the desirable place that it is today. The beaches, the nature, the little towns--it's the countryside, jacked up on gobs of money, gallons of alcohol and sacks of coke.

In any case, today at the gym I overheard a conversation between two guys. The conversation went like this:

Guy A: "So how's your new house?"
Guy B: "Oh it's ok. I'm thinking of going back...."
Guy A: "Oh? Going back where? You mean to Montauk?"
Guy B: "Yeah. I'm just not sure if I like East Hampton. Montauk is much more my scene and it's prettier out there."
Guy A: "Oh, so you're just gonna sell your new house already? You've only been there for six months."
Guy B: "Nah, I'll just live in East Hampton in the winter. Montauk isn't as nice in the winter. But it's good in East Hampton."

Um. Does this guy not realize that Montauk and East Hampton are literally right next to each other? Live in East Hampton in the winter and Montauk in the summer?

Maybe someday I'll have that problem.